It's hard to find an LGBTQ therapist

     Let's be honest, LGBTQ+ therapists are hard to find. LGBTQ+ therapists that are open about their identity are even more few and far between. Now, try adding an LGBTQ+ therapist that sees adolescents on top of that. Finding a provider is almost impossible. I see clients from the age of 6-100, but my focus is on adolescents. I've noticed over this past year that LGBTQ+ adolescents have little to no support and few resources. Sure, they're growing up in a generation that's different from us Millennials or Gen X'ers. They have more access to vocabulary, the internet, social media, etc. But finding an LGBTQ+ therapist that identifies with the same population, understands and has the knowledge to work with adolescents is nearly impossible. Add on top of that that a lot of parents are not accepting of their adolescents who are first coming out. 

I was speaking to a friend of mine the other night who has a 9 year-old that just came out as a lesbian and non-binary. I've had several friends that have come to me over the years for advice. Here is some advice that I've given to parents over the years, I and hope that the parents out there and therapists out there that are non-LGBTQ+ will read and take note: 

• It's okay to let your child explore gender. There is nothing wrong with an adolescent exploring their gender and finding out who they are. An adolescent is working through finding out who they are and will be doing so for the next 10-20 years, most likely. Add on top of that that they're struggling with finding their own autonomy for the first time. Support them. Let them explore. Let them be who they are. 
• Use their pronouns to the best of your ability. If you don't know, ask. If you make a mistake, it's okay. We are all human. Own your mistakes. A reasonable person will be forgiving if you are honestly trying. 
• You have not failed as a parent or done something wrong if your child is LGBTQ+. 
• A person's gender-yes, even an adolescent-is what they say it is. 
• A person's sexuality-yes, even an adolescent-is what they say it is. 
• The more you fight them on their identity, the more they will push back. Let them be who they are. Support them. Resistance will only hurt everyone. 
• Look for LGBTQ+ parent resources like PFLAG. Attend a local LGBTQ+ support group. Listen to stories online. Educate yourself. 
• Work on active listening. Listen to what one another are saying. Repeat back what you've heard. Have the adolescent do the same thing. 
• Do not put your adolescent down or saying they don't know what they're talking about if they come out to you. Simply accept them for who they say they are. 
• Realize that the world is changing. "Non-binary" is an option on many medical forms and surveys now. Gender neutral bathrooms are becoming more and more common. 
• Think about where your resistance and fear comes from. Really sit and explore this. Is it something within yourself? Is it the way you raised. Challenge those preconceptions. 
• Love, Love, LOVE them with all of your heart. 

I hope everyone out there is healthy and well, especially mentally healthy, as the winter approaches. 

Stay safe.

-D, the Non-binary Therapist.